Dearest Sugar Shells,
Yes, you read that title correctly. It's true. My dear husband and I have decided to end our marriage. I'm very sorry for the shock this may cause you. Naturally, I've been grieving, and just like at a funeral, as the bereaved one, I'm here for you if you need to grieve this, too. But please, hold your sweet condolences; because this is actually a good thing. I shall explain.
You might remember that I alluded to personal strife in an earlier letter. You may have even guessed that I meant divorce because I know many of you Lovely Readers are possessed of a powerful intuition. At that point, my private earthquake felt quite fresh: I was reeling from it and from the various aftershocks, and I felt absorbed by a deep, piercing sadness. Just as I teach my beloved clients, I needed to be fully in the wordless cocoon of loss - because the only way out of grief is through. But it seemed a tad deceptive to not mention the seismic shaking of my world.
And now, after several months of discussion, processing, initiating the legal process, and a LOT of internal work, I'm telling you this news because I'm ready for it to be known. Because, you see, this ending is about alignment.
(Alignment, you ask??? Well, what the hell is that?)
Some time ago, my dear husband and I realized that our marriage no longer served either of us. Of course, we worked on it and on ourselves (attending couples therapy, reading books, talking, etc.). We made a serious effort to honor our loving commitment to one another. But the various strategies and tools and conversations couldn't touch the deeper problem of misalignment: of the relationship not fitting who each of us had become during the course of our marriage.
And, once divorce plopped down on the metaphorical table, a truth clicked perfectly into place. I finally recognized that ending the marriage was the right and necessary thing, and I almost palmed my own forehead for not seeing it sooner.
You see, I'm on fire to help people liberate themselves through truth. This includes myself. (As I've written before, I live it to give it.)
So I've become weirdly comfortable facing a difficult truth. These little insight bombs don't faze me. (People like to tell me their difficult truths, and I think this is why.) Making space for a yucky truth is a gentle, forgiving form of tough love, and there's a delicious freedom in it.
This is why I've also become willing to burn.
That juicy, delicious freedom anchors in to our bodies only when we take action that reflects our truth. And sometimes that's harder than the facing part - especially when there's something to lose.
Over the last several years, I've given up a successful career (and the accompanying respectability); formerly close friends; and now my marriage. One fire after another, really.
But note that in every case, I'm the one who lit the match.
In other words, I have chosen these losses. I've repeatedly chosen to burn, knowing that I would experience searing pain...because I knew the fires had to be lit in order to satisfy my soul.
Destruction is an exquisite, essential part of life. We purify through fire. I've learned to lovingly face what must die in me, and yes, this absolutely takes fierce courage...especially if it's more than I want to give.
But you know what?
The fires are worth it. Whether or not I light the match myself.
To be completely, shamelessly honest, I'm happier than I've ever been. I've come through multiple losses, as we all do, and now I'm experiencing more joy than ever before. Even better, I trust myself to survive a burn again, on an as-needed basis as directed by my soul.
Now you know what I mean by ALIGNMENT. When the physical, three-dimensional reality of my external circumstances matches the desires of my soul, I'm living an aligned life. And alignment is the birthplace of all the delicious stuff we crave: happiness, peace, authenticity, real love, abiding freedom, joy, and more.
We've all got the raw horsepower to define who we are for ourselves, detached from the manufactured need for approval. (And if you're not sure where your horsepower has gone, I can most definitely help you with that.)
Yes, it will cost. There's all manner of risk and pain and sometimes suffering involved, but for me - and for my beloved clients - it's worth it. Every time.
Because what's on the other side is the JOY (!) that comes from being in our power.
This is why I'm leading a retreat in three weeks (even though several wise, sane people in my life have questioned the timing given that my marriage will begin to legally dissolve this month).
I'm doing this retreat because my soul is in love with it. Because this is my intent and I'm imprinting it on the universe (as Barbara Marciniak might say). Because when I visualize it happening, I suddenly feel eight feet tall. This offering feels so steady, so clear, and so on purpose - that I must do it. I can't not do it!
So, I stand here - unapologetically - in my own authenticity, choosing to show up as the powerful leader I am, totally on fire to help others create their own true soul alignment and big, radical joy.
And, as with most fires, everything is actually falling together, not apart.
With tremendous love,